I hope this was cathartic for you. I don't know how you feel exactly, but I can relate to some of the emotions you're having. And I totally agree with your related sidebar! But I'm glad that I don't sense any guilt on your part. You did everything right. You just happened to get one fucked-up dr. On a related note, I hate when people act like doctors are gods. Good doctors should be easier to find.
Thank you for sharing this. I can only imagine actually how you feel. For something like this to happen and it could have been easily prevented, it upsets me to think about it. And don't worry about folks talking about ambulance chasers do what you need to do for you and yours.
Yep, there are other kids with other problems, bigger ones, even, but this is your baby, your child, yours to worry about and help to minimize the impact. Makes sense. More blah, blah about kids being resilient, but lots of times they really are, especially when they have someone strong like you to help them. Hopefully you will hear good things about possible surgical or any other options. Meanwhile, it's a point well taken that sometimes "bad things" can happen, and it's good that you put this out there, maybe for you but also for others.
I am so mad along with you. And I'm so sorry for Bella. I cringed when I read what that doctor did to her. My stepson had his collarbone broken at birth. I've never heard of what happened to Bella.
I've never heard of that, either! SUcks. But you know? This whole thing will also make her more compassionate, kinder, gentler... Regardless of any outcome, she will be a sweeter person because of it, and the world definitely needs more of that. And she can be damn near anything she wants to, and I don't see it holding her back. But if anyone fucks with her - ever - I will fucking kick their sorry ass.
It is never trivial when your child has something hurting or something not quite "normal". You have every right to feel the way you do. I hope it helped you to write this but also, your daughter is beautiful and anyone, including peers, that would try to avoid her for something like what she has, well, they don't deserve to be around her.
I'm glad that you shared this. She is so beautiful. I cant say I understand, but I think that you are strong and wonderful and she is lucky that you are her mother.
I don't think you are selfish or whiney at all. You're right, it's YOUR baby. I have one kid with half a circumcision and one kid with conjoined toes...neither a big deal AT ALL, and it kills me.
And that girl? Is freaking BEAUTIFUL. Just like her momma.
I can see how this could be difficult to write, but I have to say: this post is so inspirational.
Yes, it sucks that this happened, and you feel strange/selfish (?) for voicing your fears and concerns - but they're VALID fears and concerns and you're awesomeness-personified for having the cajones to put yourself out there. (And I'm not just sayin' that cuz I happen to agree with 100% of what you said!)
Also, for the record, you and your girls are beautiful. :)
Wow Maria! You know what...I swear that I use to read your blog, and you were on mine a LONG ass time ago before you had this one.
Bella is beautiful. I'm so glad that you shared this, and I totally agree about doctors just rushing people in and out. Main focus, money and not being sued :( It's such bullshit.
I used to work with a girl whose daughter had something that may have been this very thing. She had limited motion with her arm and usually had it bent and held against her chest. My sisters would baby-sit her and it never slowed her down. I know that she knew that it was different b/c kids in the neighborhood would ask what was wrong with her arm (not being mean, just questioning) and she would reply something like "It doesn't work right" or something like that. That was good enough for them.
I think that when she first starts school the kids may question it, but then it'll just be part of her and it won't be an issue.
Watching the video, the Bella's arm isn't as bad as the girl's daughter from work, so maybe they don't have the same thing.
Regardless, I think this was a great post. I never knew what it was called, or how it happened.
I hope the surgeon in Texas will be be able to perform miracles on Bella!
On another note, I say "ambulance chaser" with an air of disgust and always will. Just because doctors fuck up, there is no need to tarnish the profession of paramedics.
I am so sorry you had an imcompetent doctor. I have seen SO many docs make mistakes during baby births. A friend of my cousin had a little boy and he is mentally challenged due to being left in the birth canal for so long without oxygen. He should have been a c-section baby but the doc was stubborn. They still have not been compenstated. BUT people act like it's all about the money. It isn't. No amoint of money will help erase what happened but the money can go to treating the issue andhelping the child live a normal life. Again, it makes me sick to think of how many doctors treat birth as though it is a simple process when SO many things can go wrong. Your daughter is precious and I hope that the doc you foind can help her!
Busy Mom
· 1 year ago
I'm so sorry for what you both have been through and I hope the surgeon can give you some answers and options very soon.
My son's collar bone was broken during birth. A couple years later, when I was pregnant with my daughter my doctor didn't want me to go past my due date because he was afraid she'd get too big for me to deliver. I know now one of the complications he was avoiding.
Thank you for sharing this with us. Your daughter is truly beautiful. I know you worry about her, but I think she'll be just fine, especially be raised by someone like you.
That's a wonderful little girl and with a momma like you looking out for her, I can't imagine that she can't do whatever she wants. Not to minimize her struggle because she shouldn't have it and I hope that 'doctor' got hit where it hurts most. Right in the insurance.
Thank you for saying this with such conviction and passion.
Yes women give birth unassisted as a matter of course in many countries and in those same countries women die in childbirth as a matter of course.
I'm pretty sure that African women squatting in the fields would slap a North American woman silly for refusing medical assisatnce and, yes, pain relief.
Your daughter is a gorgeous girl and with you as her advocate she is going to do great things - just you watch!
I understand about your fears that you will over compensate, that she will be an outcast, and all of the things that she is going to miss. It isn't selfish or self-pitying to feel those things, not a bit. One thing, though: there is a beautiful little girl here who has no HAND, she was born without her left hand and instead has just a stump. Her parents are, I am sure, heartbroken in private, but they have given their sweetie a confidence and grace simply by expecting just as much from her as they do theri "normal" kid. She is a cheerleader, albeit a little clumsier than the other girls, and she is talented in so many other ways; you are the kind of mom who is going to help Bella find her way, guide her through her life, and find the one thing that she is great at-and you will both be the better for it.
The emotions in your post are palpable. I am so sorry to hear what you went through.
And I completely agree with you. People should have some sort of professional at the birth. It's not a simple event, no matter how "natural" giving birth is.
It's not exploitative. We are just people, and they are Doctors, and sometimes we have to use our voices in whatever way we can to draw attention to something that isn't gonna get it otherwise. If it were my kid, I'd have done the same thing.
You poor thing. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I think you made the wisest decision based on what had happened the first time.
My first was 9/12 on his due date. He was *almost* a C-section, but came out at the last second with forceps.
Because I have big babies, I was induced 10 days early with the next 2. They came out in two pushes and still weighed a hefty 8/5.
I have gotten flack for being induced, but it was the best decision FOR ME. I also know that had I not been in the hospital with my first, it could have gone very, VERY wrong. Dude was stuck.
I am all for being as natural as you can be, but why risk your child's life?
It not only educates readers about various conditions, but it reminds us that we have to be persistent health advocates for ourselves and our children.
In other words, to put those f*cking doctors in their place every once in a while.
I'm sorry you have so much pain. It really sucks. But, I'm sure Bella is going to grow up to be a strong woman and she'll be able to do whatever she sets her mind to. You're a strong woman raising strong girls, don't forget that.
Oh, Maria. My heart hurts for you! When I became a mother, I realized that the pain we feel for our children hurts worse than ANY other pain. EVER.
Ashley
· 1 year ago
I'm not trying to make your concerns seem smaller about your little one, but believe when I say that if I would've seen her in public, I wouldn't have thought much about the difference with her arms - not even if I tried to hold her hand. Some kids can be horrid, whether it's about crooked teeth, glasses, small stature, or anything else...they'll find something. Hugs to you, mama. I think you are doing a fabulous job and I hope you and Bella can find whatever it takes to make the both of you happy.
We've all got quirks, some are more obvious than others, but I have no doubt that your daughter will be just fine. Especially with a mom like you.
Now, onto your statement ONLY NINE POUNDS. BAH!
My son was only 8lbs 2 oz, but I still pushed for two hours to get him out!
Kristie
· 1 year ago
I'm sure any parent can empathize with the pain you feel on behalf of your baby. And I'm certain that anyone who loves their child worries for their child's future... especially if there is something that could feasibly adversely affect it.
You've said it yourself-- those girls are wonderful. So keep doing what you are doing-- parenting them putting THEM first, giving them what they need and even sometimes what they want! They'll be happy, confident, strong, and LOVED... and those are some of the things they'll need to "be OK."
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Mrs. Kitty
· 1 year ago
I totally wanted a water birth. So next time I get pregnant (god that was a hard sentence to type), your post confirms that I would rather have a water birth with a couple of midwives and perhaps a doula then with a hack doctor. Hospitals that don't even apologize for their life altering mistakes is unreal and unacceptable. I'm so sorry for you and beautiful Bella.
Wow, what an intense post. Thanks for writing it, and I'm glad you have a place to talk about this stuff.
I'm also insanely grateful that you have given my husband a name for his condition--he has the same birth injury, for all the same reasons and he never knew that it had a specific name. He also didn't know about the support sites that are out there and he feels much less alone thanks to you and your daughter. :)
Also, I have to say that almost no one notices Charlie's arm, and his impairment is significantly worse than your daughters--he can't raise his arm up above his head, or put it on his head, or behind his back, or hold it out straight. So perhaps a bit of comfort can be gained from the fact that maybe, just maybe, you won't have to kill anyone dead in her kindergarten class because of them noticing and saying something nasty about it. Maybe. Kids are little bastards. :)
Thank you for posting this, especially the video. As someone with Erb's (tho in my case, the right arm), I am just now (and thanks to you) discovering the community of people living with brachial plexus injuries.
I can tell you from direct experience that my parents focused WAAAY too much on my limitations, rather than my capabilities. My mom called me "ungeschicht" (German for 'incompetent'), and my dad treated me like I was made out of spun sugar and never wanted me to go to a playground or ride the subway or do anything that might in some way put me at risk. What did I get from these messages? The certainty that I was helpless and a failure.
So I say with all confidence: focus on the positive. Emphasize her abilities and encourage her exuberance. Watching the video clip, I see that Bella can do so many things, many that my Erb's does not let me do. Like a proper handshake (damn right-handed world). Or reach above my head.
I also urge caution with any surgery that might put at risk the function she has.
Again, thanks for the courage to share this. And I agree about the quackery that seems as rampant in OB practice today as when I was born.
This post was educational; I think it's helpful to clue people in on stuff like this. Does Bella feel comfortable talking about it (or is she too young to care right now?) That would come in handy come school (and questions from her peers). I know a little girl with a similar difference; she is just very matter-of-fact when kids ask her questions, and they move on.
P.S. Kids don't really care about other kids having disabilities if they are still nice/funny/smart, etc. And if they go to school together for a while, it becomes a non-issue. Bella's going to do great :)
Found you through Loralee's comments. I feel your hurt and anger and I sympathize. She is absolutely beautiful but I know the feeling of wanting the world to see how perfect one's child, without any distractions. Totally different but my first born had a misshapen skull (plagiocephaly) that could have corrected if treatment started early enough but his dr. literally laughed at me for being concerned and also missed the torticollis (contracted neck muscles) that accompanied it and even when we started treatment the primary care dr & referring neurosurgeon and insurance got in a pissing match of what should be done and who should justify it so that delayed treatment then the orthotist who made the helmet was afraid to ask the neurosurgeon for clarification so the original actually exacerbated the problem.... anyhow, at 4 y.o. his head is permanently misshapen and it still pains me. So, thanks for sharing your feelings and letting me share mine. Hope the surgeon can offer a good opportunity.
Kim
· 1 year ago
Hugs to you.. this made me tear up the same as it did in Mortons...
And goodness your girls are beautiful! Just like mama!
I'm so sorry this happened to you and your beautiful little one. She is precious. I have a close friend who's first child has C.P. because of a doctor's negligence. It's horrible for anyone to have to live with the consequences of someone else's actions. You are a brave, beautiful, strong woman and I applaud you for posting this and highlighting issues that are close to all of our hearts.
I wish you success with this in whatever avenues it takes you.
Poor sweet girl. I hope the doc is able to help her.
conversemomma
· 1 year ago
There is no pain greater than watching our children suffer and not being able to do a damn thing. But, you can do something, will do something, are doing something, you are rasing her to love herself, to be strong, to be proud. It won't be easy, but she will thrive. She has you to show her how. Still, I'm sorry for your pain, and hers.
You might be interested to know that the last monarch of Germany, grandson of Queen Victoria, also had Erb's palsy from a birth injury. He ruled for over 20 years and lived a normal life - well for a 19th - early 20th century monarch that is!
My niece had/has Erb's Palsy. it was most noticeable when she started to "crawl". Crawling for her was raising herself up on one hand and a knee and scooting with the other foot. I guess I'm weird: I thought it was cute. I still think it was cute. everything she does is cute. she's so fucken cute that it's sickening.
I loved this babe, and never apologise for caring or for wanting the best for your little girl. I'm so mad at him and how he hurt theBella. I love what Sybil said. I'll join the ass kicking team for anyone who gives her a hard time.
Maria, I'm sorry that this is so hard for you. It sounds like it's harder on you than it is on Bella.
I hope the surgeon can help. We have amazing children's doctors here in Texas, the best in the world. I'll say a prayer. If you end up coming here let me know.
Rachael
· 1 year ago
What a beautiful post. I know that it probably wasn't meant to be that, but it is. Your description of a mother's pain for their child is perfect, and it moved me to tears. Bella is gorgeous. I hope that she will continue to improve if possible, but I also know that with you for a mother she will be taught to be strong and see all of the possibilities before her when she's older.
I am constantly astounded by the lack of caring and lack of responsibility I see in doctors - especially some OBs. I simply can't believe that any doctor would be so un-knowledgable and heartless and never even acknowledge the mistake. It's disgusting.
your little girl is so beautiful! i am new to your site but i really like it. i am also a peds nurse and i wish i could prevent these injuries in ALL the kids i take care of. i will definitely be adding you guys to my blog list.
Bella is just beautiful; but I hope that the surgeon will be able to help. I totally understand your anger with this as it was an injury and preventable.
I'd never heard of this condition before, so thank you for sharing.
All Comments
And I totally agree with your related sidebar!
But I'm glad that I don't sense any guilt on your part. You did everything right. You just happened to get one fucked-up dr.
On a related note, I hate when people act like doctors are gods. Good doctors should be easier to find.
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I cringed when I read what that doctor did to her. My stepson had his collarbone broken at birth. I've never heard of what happened to Bella.
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But you know? This whole thing will also make her more compassionate, kinder, gentler... Regardless of any outcome, she will be a sweeter person because of it, and the world definitely needs more of that. And she can be damn near anything she wants to, and I don't see it holding her back.
But if anyone fucks with her - ever - I will fucking kick their sorry ass.
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And that girl? Is freaking BEAUTIFUL. Just like her momma.
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She's gorgeous, had great taste in music, is smart and sassy. She's perfect, regardless of not being perfect.
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Yes, it sucks that this happened, and you feel strange/selfish (?) for voicing your fears and concerns - but they're VALID fears and concerns and you're awesomeness-personified for having the cajones to put yourself out there. (And I'm not just sayin' that cuz I happen to agree with 100% of what you said!)
Also, for the record, you and your girls are beautiful. :)
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Bella is beautiful. I'm so glad that you shared this, and I totally agree about doctors just rushing people in and out. Main focus, money and not being sued :( It's such bullshit.
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I think that when she first starts school the kids may question it, but then it'll just be part of her and it won't be an issue.
Watching the video, the Bella's arm isn't as bad as the girl's daughter from work, so maybe they don't have the same thing.
Regardless, I think this was a great post. I never knew what it was called, or how it happened.
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Hope the surgeon can help!
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On another note, I say "ambulance chaser" with an air of disgust and always will. Just because doctors fuck up, there is no need to tarnish the profession of paramedics.
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David was just an ounce shy of twelve pounds and my OB broke his collar bone for this very reason. His right arm is still a bit weaker than the left.
I just want to beat that idiot who could have saved Bella (and you) this struggle.
((HUGS))
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Again, it makes me sick to think of how many doctors treat birth as though it is a simple process when SO many things can go wrong.
Your daughter is precious and I hope that the doc you foind can help her!
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Thank you for sharing this with us. Your daughter is truly beautiful. I know you worry about her, but I think she'll be just fine, especially be raised by someone like you.
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Yes women give birth unassisted as a matter of course in many countries and in those same countries women die in childbirth as a matter of course.
I'm pretty sure that African women squatting in the fields would slap a North American woman silly for refusing medical assisatnce and, yes, pain relief.
Your daughter is a gorgeous girl and with you as her advocate she is going to do great things - just you watch!
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Between the woman you are gonna raise her to be AND that pretty face, you are gonna have to beat them off with a stick. Trust me. :)
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And I completely agree with you. People should have some sort of professional at the birth. It's not a simple event, no matter how "natural" giving birth is.
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You poor thing. I'm sorry you're going through this.
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My first was 9/12 on his due date. He was *almost* a C-section, but came out at the last second with forceps.
Because I have big babies, I was induced 10 days early with the next 2. They came out in two pushes and still weighed a hefty 8/5.
I have gotten flack for being induced, but it was the best decision FOR ME. I also know that had I not been in the hospital with my first, it could have gone very, VERY wrong. Dude was stuck.
I am all for being as natural as you can be, but why risk your child's life?
To sum it up, I HEAR YOU SISTER.
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It not only educates readers about various conditions, but it reminds us that we have to be persistent health advocates for ourselves and our children.
In other words, to put those f*cking doctors in their place every once in a while.
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so...she can't be a cheerleader. there are so many other wonderful things she will be able to do! and i'm sure she'll do them too!
(ps. i call my Isabella 'The Bella' too ;) )
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Now, onto your statement ONLY NINE POUNDS. BAH!
My son was only 8lbs 2 oz, but I still pushed for two hours to get him out!
You've said it yourself-- those girls are wonderful. So keep doing what you are doing-- parenting them putting THEM first, giving them what they need and even sometimes what they want! They'll be happy, confident, strong, and LOVED... and those are some of the things they'll need to "be OK."
Isabella will be OK!!!!
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I'm also insanely grateful that you have given my husband a name for his condition--he has the same birth injury, for all the same reasons and he never knew that it had a specific name. He also didn't know about the support sites that are out there and he feels much less alone thanks to you and your daughter. :)
Also, I have to say that almost no one notices Charlie's arm, and his impairment is significantly worse than your daughters--he can't raise his arm up above his head, or put it on his head, or behind his back, or hold it out straight. So perhaps a bit of comfort can be gained from the fact that maybe, just maybe, you won't have to kill anyone dead in her kindergarten class because of them noticing and saying something nasty about it. Maybe. Kids are little bastards. :)
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I can tell you from direct experience that my parents focused WAAAY too much on my limitations, rather than my capabilities. My mom called me "ungeschicht" (German for 'incompetent'), and my dad treated me like I was made out of spun sugar and never wanted me to go to a playground or ride the subway or do anything that might in some way put me at risk. What did I get from these messages? The certainty that I was helpless and a failure.
So I say with all confidence: focus on the positive. Emphasize her abilities and encourage her exuberance. Watching the video clip, I see that Bella can do so many things, many that my Erb's does not let me do. Like a proper handshake (damn right-handed world). Or reach above my head.
I also urge caution with any surgery that might put at risk the function she has.
Again, thanks for the courage to share this. And I agree about the quackery that seems as rampant in OB practice today as when I was born.
Thanks for fighting the good fight.
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And goodness your girls are beautiful! Just like mama!
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I wish you success with this in whatever avenues it takes you.
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You might be interested to know that the last monarch of Germany, grandson of Queen Victoria, also had Erb's palsy from a birth injury. He ruled for over 20 years and lived a normal life - well for a 19th - early 20th century monarch that is!
Good luck with this new doctor!
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Just like The Bella :)
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I hope the surgeon can help. We have amazing children's doctors here in Texas, the best in the world. I'll say a prayer. If you end up coming here let me know.
I am constantly astounded by the lack of caring and lack of responsibility I see in doctors - especially some OBs. I simply can't believe that any doctor would be so un-knowledgable and heartless and never even acknowledge the mistake. It's disgusting.
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I'd never heard of this condition before, so thank you for sharing.
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